How Not To Study For A Test In A Subject You Constantly Flunk Because Circumstances WILL Go Against You And Show You How Much You Suck.

"Okay, class," Sir Naushad says. "There's a test on Monday on AC currents and electromagnetic induction. It'll be about 50 marks."

I look up, unsure whether to smile or groan. Because on the one hand, this means I get another chance to do good in physics.

On the other hand, it means that the class gets yet another opportunity to realize what a loser I am when it comes to this demonic subject.

Regardless, going home, I resolve to try my hardest this time. Regardless of sleep, or food, or coffee OD'ing. I just have to do well. I'm sick of having physics class nightmares.

After lunch, I settle down comfortably on my bed, and proceed to make peace with this anomaly.

For a while, it's all working out. I'm reading the text, and it's in basic English. I'm going strong, I think, smiling to myself.

And then.

I try to chastise the pink gooey organ in my head. "Shut up, brain!!!"

"NO I WON'T!!!! Hee Hee Hee!!!" *evil malicious grin*

But I refuse to give up. I HAFTA HAFTA HAFTA DO WELL IN DE TEST!!!!!!!!

So I try my next option.

It's 2 pm.

Enter... the Three Stooges?

AKA, our maids.

Of course, they know their way around the house, so I have no issues with that. The thing I DO have issues with, however, is how their voices tend to flow freely around the house as well.

Too freely.

Like when Mom tries to get Fatima to do some cleaning.

Um, haan?!?!??!?

But no one realizes that in the heat of the moment.

And how am I involved, you ask?

That's how.

And don't even get me started on the Great Adventurous Tales of Parveen and Sakina, as the former burns our precious bartan while the latter burns our precious kapray.

I barely have time to wonder what that meant before they start off on another topic in their native language, which to this day I have been unable to decipher.

I silently get up.

I go to my room.

I scream.

Then I call Dad. I tell him I'll be staying back in college a few hours the next day.

I mean, there's nothing that can distract me in the college library, right?

Feeling a bit cheered, I go to bed.

Next day, after my last class at twelve pm, I head to the library, ready to work till I wear out.

But an entirely new distraction awaits me.

I try to focus on the book, and not the buzzing in my head, or the vibrations of random phones. Or the lame tareen songs that people have on loud in their ears, trying to show off their playlists.

Somehow, I manage to make it through the first hour of my self-inflicted detention.

But then, the real lions are let loose.

Dear God, I pray. I know you're probably kinda busy right now, saving the world and killing the bad people and keeping everything as it is, but... HELP MEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After an hour or so, God finds time in His busy schedule, for me. He tones down the problem. 

Note: tones down. 

Because it wouldn't be real if there were no problem, right?

If nothing, it's random people--boys!--posing through the library window. Because they have hay in their brains and think it's a freakin' mirror.

Seriously, though. I can understand the hair-fixing to some extent, but what kind of guy poses and pouts?!?!?

And not just any kind of pose either!!

Bleah. I don't want to elaborate.

So. This kind of crap goes on till the Dreaded Day.

And of course, thanks to the Irony Jinx, the test is staring at me and I have no freakin' clue.

I don't think I need to mention what grade I get. Despite all that trying-to-study. Despite all the real, hard effort I put in, unlike most people.

So. In a situation like this, what's a girl to do?

I'll tell you.

FIN.